Two questions: “Are you feminist?” “Do you think its cool to be feminist?”
Three ladies + two guys +feminism = perfect setting for an intellectual bloodbath.
That was the situation I found myself in amidst four very good friends as we settled for brunch, on one warm winter Friday afternoon at a small beautiful restaurant Fuul-Humus in Erbil, Iraq.
My male friend sensing this was a loaded question took a bro-code glance at me and answered, “I am a selective feminist”, as he launched into what every “real man” would have done…defense of our masculinity, in that moment within that split second it wasn’t just a question …….”I am a feminist sympathizer” i ignorantly blurted out.
Just before the painful sight sunk in…Mayada who was right next to me with an assured knowing tone and look immediately sounded the first warning.…”Trust me you don’t wanna go there …you are outnumbered.”
I immediately took my cue from those last words “–don’t wanna go there…..” At that moment I remembered bro-code rule number 544: You never leave a brother behind dead or alive… on one hand I knew I didn’t want to get slaughtered, I figured, who would lead the next defense of our masculinity —if this was war, that was the moment I left a brother behind and shut the F%$k up!
As Francoise continued to labor in his agony, defending our masculinity— I was proud of him, proud because even though, he had bitten more than he could chew and help was not in sight…. at least not from me at that moment…he continued to be a “real man”, and kept chewing through it.
If you find yourself going through hell, keep going….these timeless words rung true in that moment, as I painfully watched Francoise choke and die in his own movie.
“Do you think it’s cool for a man to identify as feminist”? with a more casual tone Mayada who was sitting on my right shot a glance at me.
For a split second my mind went blank, I swallowed a bit….made a quick eye contact at Francoise, whose voice at that moment was slowly trailing off as he looked for an exit route, without knowing it we had been cornered. We had been warned the water was infested with crocodiles… we never listened.
Realizing I was experiencing a mental fart…Anne who was on my left came briefly to my rescue “You are feminist, right?”
My mind went from 0-100km/hr in a matter of seconds… I started rampaging through my mind trying to recollect what it meant to be a “feminist”, I asked myself what it meant to be feminist, was it a “cool thing” (“manly thing”)?…Who is a feminist? These were the questions that run through my head.
Now it wasn’t the first time I had come across the word “Feminist”…several times i have used the word, read it in text, and heard it in spoken English….and watched movies about feminism.
But in that moment, one word sounded like an extinct foreign language, then it sadly downed on me that I had no attar recollection of what it meant to be “Feminist”, didn’t understand what it is like to be a woman even though we see all this everyday where women are harassed for being themselves…
Until I listened to Chimanda Ngozi voice over this audiobook, I thought I understood what the word meant. I have never felt so ignorant and humbled at the same time.
To many men these growing breed of outspoken, opinionated and quick witted ladies sound threatening and some will feel it emasculating to be schooled by a lady, but to a growing number of men out there this is refreshing, this shouldn’t be the exception…. this should be the norm.
Why can’t a woman wear whatever she wants, be hardworking, strong, sexy, independent, well learned, well-traveled and make her own choices and demands on how she ought to be treated without being labelled arrogant, aggressive, emotional, bitter….blah..blah..blah….any man who is afraid of a woman’s strength is but a sorry excuse of a man.
I think many of us men always discuss the issue of feminism standing on the altar of ignorance…drinking from the poisoned chalice of the patriarchal society that we have been raised
How many times do we assume we know something just because we have heard about it before?
How many times do we hear somebodies experience and rub it off as just a nag?
How many times do we watch the news and see women being abused, objectified? And seem powerless to do something.
Chimamanda Ngozi does a wonderful job being an ophthalmologist instead of a painter in her book “We should all be feminist”. Through highly relatable personal examples, she opens your eyes to see what being a feminist means instead painting her own view of what a feminist is.
Feminism. The belief in the economic, social and political equality of all genders. Is not about being male or female, black or white. Feminism is a question of human freedom.
I am a feminist and Yes we should all be feminists.
This was my first book both on the subject matter and from the author but definitely one of many to come.
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